I will ease your wondering mind, Mary

Ah, a new question. This one is from Mary.

Mary writes:

I heard you were making a blog to answer our questions! I was hoping you could answer mine! I was wondering what you do to keep that mustache looking *soooooooo* good?!
-Your loving fan,
Mary

Well, Mary, I normally don’t expose my secrets but, since I’m a firm believer in not denying a fan what that want, I suppose I can let my fans in on the secret.

My mustache is obviously one of my most prized possessions and I treat it with the utmost care. A thrice-a-day combing is performed by my facial hair-stylist. I also wash, rinse, and repeat two times a day, in a row with normal herbal shampoo. And then, this is the main part of my secret, I apply my special, home-made, mustache cream. The cream is made up from my own special recipe. The cream consists of normal things like coco-butter, aloe, isopropyl alcohol, horse saliva, egg yolks, dried sage, and children’s cough syrup. Now, I must warn you, I strongly suggest you don’t attempt to re-create my unique “stache-cream” because improper mixing and quantities could prove…just don’t try to make it.

Thanks for being a fan!

-Archie

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One Response to “I will ease your wondering mind, Mary”

  1. PinkCloud Says:

    ehemm, gulp! what a recipe, what a creative man! has your mother made that for your mustache when you were a boy?
    I think you should license and sell this. You would even have more fans! And don’t worry, even with your special recipe, nobody’s mustache will ever look as shiney and be as famous as yours.
    Aaaarrrg! Why am I not a man! Why can’t I grow a mustache myself? Left only is to adore yours, from far away…

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